Give Me Neither Blog

I added a new blog to the list on the right side of this page. If you live in the West Michigan area, you may be interested in keeping tabs on Give Me Neither. The writer does amazing things with internet coupons, insert coupons, sales and "shopper perk" cards. Hello food pantry donations and decreasing my grocery budget in one fell swoop!

Remembering it All

As a wife and household manager, I try to keep it all together. Somewhat. Somehow, I managed to forget both bread & butter in my weekly grocery shopping. I make every effort to only buy groceries once per week. I like efficiency. I like to plan. I do not like to part with money and each time I go into a store, more of it flies away. But at least once a month, I find myself calling my dear husband, asking him to stop by Meijer on the way home to pick up _______ so I can finish cooking supper.



This time, I decided to stop at Meijer myself, on my way home from work. I think it was partly because I was embarrassed about forgetting essential sandwich components. Also, I went myself because I could go all by myself. There is just something precious about "running to Meijer" and it really only taking 20 minutes rather than the 45 it takes hauling 2 small (also very precious) children.



As I am at the checkout, my over-friendly cashier noticed I also was buying contact solution and men's razor blades. She launched into a story about her husband who "always forgets to tell me....". On and on she went about her poor husband who is apparently not the detail-oriented person in their home. In truth, the reason she started the story is because I mentioned that my husband just ran out of contact solution. (Truly, sweety, I didn't complain or pull a martyr-mom stunt.) In my head I started to empathize with her when... I realized that I was only there because I forgot to buy bread and butter. So as quickly as my empathy arrived, I dismissed it. Husbands have an awful lot to keep track of, too. I really do enjoy a more relaxed pace of life at home - as relaxed as I want it to be. Husbands carry a burden to support their family, love their wives (we do make it difficult sometimes) and are away from home for most of their day. The stress!

While this is a tiny example, it really provoked my thoughts to be gentler with Todd in regards to his responsibilities at home. In our division of labor, it's really my job to make sure we have what we need in the house. It's his job to make sure we can pay for it. : ) It also spawned thoughts about how easy it is to jump on the "dumb spouse" bandwagon. The things that most irk me about my spouse are typically my most secret and deepest flaws, wounds and failings.

"He who began this good work in you will carry it though to completion." (Philippians)

My favorite Soda

I hail proudly from the mid-west where we call sugary, carbonated beverages "Pop" and are on day two of dreary but much needed rain. I have been contemplating why we are called the mid-west, as we are quite far from the true midpoint of the country in Oklahoma but... back to soda.

I have three favorite sodas:

I don't recommend consuming them as is. I find the flavor a bit salty.



Soda #1 - the classic Baking Soda is obviously for baking and deodorizing the refrigerator. I most commonly use it for my daughter's eczema and "cradle cap" head. My previous hair specialist (who moved to Texas and is much missed!) recommended 1 Tbl. Baking Soda combined with 1/4 cup salt. Add water to the mixture to form a paste and scrub into baby's hair and scalp instead of shampoo. The salt exfoliates skin while the Baking Soda cleans hair and skin. Since both my babies had hair, the "baby oil under a cap" trick was rather messy. This is easier, less time consuming and more effective. Find Baking Soda in the baking aisle of your grocery store.



Soda #2 - Washing Soda. My mother brought me a box of this wonderful agent and a plastic tub. She taught me that Washing Soda softens laundry water in addition to having cleaning and deodorizing power. I soak soiled clothing in a tub of cold water with 1/8 cup Washing Soda. It helps clean the "soils" and prevent stains from body fluids, if you catch my drift. I also use 1/4 to 1/2 cup Washing Soda in lieu of detergent to "wash" brand new clothes, clothes from storage that were put away clean, in really dirty loads of laundry and as an additive when washing cloth diapers (1/4 regular amount of detergent plus 2Tbl Washing Soda per load of diapers). I buy Washing Soda at Meijer.



Soda #3 - Club Soda. As a baby, I vomited on an airplane, all over the man in a suit behind my mother (she was holding me on her shoulder). The airline attendant used Club Soda to deodorize and clean the affected clothing of all parties involved. Again, the soda works as a deodorizer and cleaning agent. On our recent vacation, I visited four stores before finding the above pictured bottle of Club Soda (over-priced in my opinion) at RiteAid to clean Thing One's car seat after he vomited in the car. Lovely. I typically keep some on hand for potty-learning mishaps on the couch or carpet. While Kroger in Kentucky does not carry Club Soda, Meijer in Michigan does.

Happy Cleaning!

What Were We Thinking?

Our family is on vacation this week in the southeastern part of the country. We made a stop in Nashville and it was recommended to us to visit the Rainforest Cafe, which was very close to our hotel. Todd and I thought, why not? The kids love animals! Yes, but not animatronic jungle animals who move and make loud noises in a dark restaurant and are bigger than Daddy. We stepped into the mall entrance at the restaurant and Thing One stopped stiff in his tracks at the sight of the restaurant gift shop still 25 feet away. Clue #1 ignored. Stepping into the gift shop with our "passport" should have been our second clue to go find a Micky-D's. Thing One jumped into my arms and clung to me for dear life as a python loomed 10 feet overhead.

We were then ushered into a dark dining room. At the precise moment I was putting Thing Two in her highchair, a "thunderstorm" started - lights flashing, sounds of thunder and hard rain. Coincidentally also at the same moment, the animatronic animals started doing their 'wild thang' and the gorilla which was approximately 4 feet from our table started shaking the trees, growling and grunting (or whatever it is you call a gorilla noise).

Our waitress took pity on us as both children cried for mommy and daddy to save them and seated us in the bar area which was well-lit and had NO jungle creatures in the vicinity. We were seated next to a lovely mist and rain machine and the kids enjoyed the "wa-fa" (waterfall) and the neon frog and alligator above the beer signs. Though I think at least Thing One was still a little nervous as he kept referencing the gorilla (which was now far behind him). They both adamantly refused to go look at the elephant but were interesting in viewing the hippo from a distance. I believe this is what they call a "character enrichment" experience. Yup, I am a stronger, smarter parent than when I walked in there and my kids are scarred for life.

Discipline Delimma

As our dear, sweet son is about to enter his fourth year (he's turning 3 next week!), I am re-evaluating our method of teaching and disciplining. I'm sure you are shocked to hear that we have to discipline our children, because, of course, they are perfect. But don't be shocked. Imperfect parents parenting imperfect kids. No wonder the Bible tells "children [to] obey their parents" and "parents do not exasperate your children." I've thought since becoming a parent that maybe there was a translation error there and it should read, "children do not exasperate your parents." Then as my kids got a little older, I am beginning to realize that if I nag, beg, punish, remind, ask, order and threaten my kids, I am first of all not getting consistent results and second not always teaching them how to monitor their own behavior and make good decisions on their own. The Bible must be right. "Parents do not exasperate your children." In trying to follow this wisdom, I am finding difficulty with two things:

1) the balance of power - putting my foot down as an adult and parent who really knows better anyway and his choices and then deciding whether to imposing consequences or allowing natural consequences to teach him - and...
2) how to hide my laughter when he does something really funny during a teaching time. I'm supposed to be calm, "flat affect" and not indicate a strong emotional response, right? Except for a little problem. "Mama! The naughty spot is broken. I need a new one." Yup, that's defiantly going to be a problem. My friend, Missy, told me a story about her 4 year old who decided she was only ready to say "sor-" when it was time to get out of time-out. I have no idea how she managed to keep a straight face.

I'm pretty sure little ones are cute and funny for a reason. Their little sweetness just begs love and forgiveness and makes it difficult to carry bitterness and anger. It's a good thing too. Thing Two pulled a "chubby bunny" with a pink bunny 'peep' today and ended up with pink drool all over... Snacks stay in the kitchen for a reason!!!

Hide and Seek

This week with hubby out of town, I needed to find alternative child-care arrangements. A friend (whom my kids know well enough but one who had never watched them a full day) generously offered to come to my house for the day. My day started off with a hormone headache which was compounded by three hours in stale cigarette smoke and not enough lunch. I was just pulling up to the curb at my afternoon appointment when my cell phone rang.

"Joy? I just need you to listen." Okay
"Your son is missing." What???? He wanted to play outside and someone snatched him.
"Are there any places in the house where he likes to hide?" Are we sure he's still in the house?

After asking questions and confirming that there was no way he could've gotten outside, nor was he in any of the bathrooms, I was really confused and growing more concerned. She had checked through the house at least twice already.

The younger kids were reportedly playing nicely in the living room, so I sent my friend on a treasure hunt.
"Check the cupboard behind the couch."
"What about the coat closet - he can open those doors and used to hide in there a lot."
"Did he crawl into the dog's cage downstairs? We were talking about it yesterday."
Where could this kid be? He's never done this before.... Is she sure he's in the house?
"Go upstairs. He sometimes goes in my closet or my bathroom. Check under the bed, too. It's a tall bed."
"What about behind the rocking chair in Thing Two's room?"
"Check his closet - he can get in there and it's hard to get out."

Sure enough, that's where he was. Hiding in his closet. I apparently maintained a calm veneer, but inside my imagination was filled with police helicopters and bloodhounds. At that moment, Todd came home and in relief, my friend hung up. I didn't have the opportunity to decompress as I then attended my afternoon appointment with another 2 hours of stale cigarette smoke. And I think I have yet to get the full story, but in the words of Pa Ingalls, "all's well that ends well."

Sinking Sand (i.e. the stock market)

Over the past few months, I have noticed that I am doing certain things less often including opening any investment statement, listening to the Wall Street reports of the day and taking in any media regarding the economy. I did manage to catch that the unemployment in Michigan is 8% (which really means that 92% of people ARE employed). I know people who can't get a call in to the unemployment office as the lines as so busy. Our investments would bring only half the value of a year ago if we decided to cash them out (which we are NOT going to do...).

There is a lot at stake for many people - jobs, businesses, homes, retirement income. It's stressful. It's emotional. It's discouraging. It's only money. It's not eternity. One of my favorite hymns has been playing through my mind and I wanted to share the first verse:

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus love and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest fame

but wholly lean on Jesus name.

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand.

Thing One and I were talking about 'scawy sings' (scary things) tonight. We talked about a special verse from the Psalms that he knows well enough to repeat on his own. "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." As one of our favorite characters from The Pond puts it, "My friends, we are well taken care of."